Over the past couple of years Ive worked hard at improving my health. Along with a new strength training routine and a nutritional overhaul, I hit 50 feeling like a new woman. My increased fitness and reduced body weight meant I could finally get back in the saddle after a hiatus of more than 20 years, proving its never too late to rediscover the things that bring you joy.Like so many women, perimenopause hit me like a freight train, and with the added fun of PMDD, Ive had to call on reserves of fortitude and resilience hitherto unknown. Despite being more than 9 years into this hormonal horror show, and being on HRT for the last 7 of them, Im still not right and day-to-day life remains a challenge.Nervous system regulation and maskingWith the arrival of perimenopause, I also noticed that the ability to regulate my nervous system and mask vanished almost entirely. My life feels like an endless attempt at self-regulation, and when I find something that helps, it matters and rapidly becomes part of my arsenal.As a child my granny frequently called me fickle, observing how Id blow hot and cold over things. My school reports always included words like inconsistent, chatty, creative, sensitive. I could get an A one week and in the same subject a week later, I could get a D. Hell, I could spell the same word 3 different ways on the same page, and my handwriting would frequently change as I was constantly seeking novelty.I had trouble with arbitrary rules and needed (still do in fact) to understand the reasoning before I could fully grasp a mathematical equation. High levels of empathy and an active social justice radar meant that the unpopular and bullied kids always had an ally in me. Ive always been a leader, good in an emergency and have been fascinated by anything and everything, teaching myself to read music, play piano, programme computers and identify birds and fungi to a high level all before the age of 13. Dopamine seeking and hyper focusesHyperfocuses have continued throughout my adult life, manifesting as hobbies Im obsessed with for short periods, serial crafting (sewing, knitting, resin, drawing, painting, macrame, wreath making, feltingI could go on), foods Ill eat on repeat and then never touch again, echolalia, severe misophonia, sensitivity to lights, textures and flavours. Then theres the feeling of overwhelm in crowds, hating small talk, needing to spend time alone whilst simultaneously being super sociable. Im one extreme to another (either 10 minutes late or half an hour early), I find it impossible to switch off, I thrive in chaos and uncertainty; I hate routine and I have endless business ideas (and the registered domain names to prove it) the list is extensive.Suffice it to say, I know myself well enough to understand that on the spicy scale, Id be more surprised to find Im neuro-typical than to receive a diagnosis of AuDHD, but with NHS waiting lists many years long, frankly, I have more important things to invest my energy into.All of which is a ridiculously long-winded way of explaining that Im currently obsessed with horses. Three years ago it was open-water swimming, so youd be forgiven for assuming this is just the latest in a long line of hyperfocuses. Im not just enjoying riding again, Im laser-focused in the way only a pony-mad nine-year-old can be. But this isnt the dopamine hit of something exciting and new, its a return to something Ive always loved.Perimenopause and confidence lossErratic hormone fluctuations played havoc with my previously sky-high levels of self-confidence; I suddenly spent days feeling vulnerable, almost scared and became less likely to say yes to things. Never one to allow circumstances to make my life smaller, I stubbornly worked to ensure my reduced levels of confidence didnt negatively impact the breadth of my life, adopting a fake it until you make it mentality.Even when I felt anxious or scared, Id say yes and do the thing anyway. Over time I successfully retrained my brain, and soon the anxiety Id had for most of my adult life disappeared and I began approaching new things with open curiosity, having learned to reframe anxious thoughts as nervous excitement.Before my weight loss, riding a horse simply wasnt possible. A handful of stables have heavy horses capable of carrying heavier riders, but these are few and far between, and most stables have strict weight limits of around 80kg for horse welfare.Horse riding goalWhen I was in a bigger body, I knew horse riding wasnt an option for me, so despite riding as a child and teen (Im talking an annual holiday hack and just a handful of riding lessons) and loving it, I had simply accepted that it was a sport no longer open to me.I reached my initial weight loss goal in January 2026 and my reward was to book myself a hack, the first in over 20 years.A lot had changed in that time, from breaking my back to becoming a runner and so much more in between. I worried that my ongoing, significant hip problems might make riding more difficult, and since breaking my back, I had become far more wary of my own physical limitations, together with an heightened awareness of risk.Would my body remember how to sit properly and not fall off? Would I be able to dismount neatly? Could I still do a rising trot? Would I feel the same love for horses Id once had? The answer to all of these things was a resounding yes.All the gearIt may come as no surprise that when I do something, I go all in. Rocking up to ride a horse wearing jeans, trainers, and donning a borrowed hat wasnt going to cut it for me. So of course, I invested in all the necessary gear from the outset.I went to my local equestrian shop, just a few minutes down the road to get fitted for a hat and spent double what Id budgeted and then straight-up lied about the cost to my husband (a true equestrian in the making). I already had paddock boots, and my sister (who has her own horse), kindly gave me a pair of chaps and a website link for pull-on breeches with phone pockets.I looked the part at least, and I was happy to invest, knowing it was next to impossible that I wouldnt enjoy that first ride back and want to do it again. Filled with nervous excitement, my first ride in many years was all Id hoped for an absolute joy and boom, my love for horses was rekindled.Fast forward a few months, and Ive been on horses every time Ive had the opportunity to. As I write, Ive had a lesson on my sisters beautiful ex-racehorse, Ive hacked out 5 weekends in a row and Im hoping to get a block of lessons booked at my local stables as soon as they have space for me.Ultimately I dont have any grand equestrian dreams. I mean, obviously, if I could afford one Id have a chunky little cob to call my own, meanwhile in the land of reality, this time next year I might consider part loan of a horse which is a hugely exciting prospect and a brilliant reason for me to keep learning.Girls riding holiday plansIn terms of riding goals, my sister and I have decided to swap our annual snowboarding holiday for a girls horse riding holiday next year. Looking further ahead and considering various disciplines, dressage, whilst incredibly impressive, holds no appeal. Jumping? Perhaps teeny weeny little jumps, but learning to jump as an over-50 probably isnt something thats particularly viable, so I can see plenty of fun rides and happy hacking in my future!Of course as I progress and become technically more proficient, those goals may change, but for now, Im cherishing my weekend hacks, looking forward to some lessons and giddy with excitement looking ahead to our horse riding holiday next year.Gifting yourself joyI never stopped loving horses, but for a long time my body wasnt horse-friendly, and even if it had been, my finances wouldnt have stretched to regular riding. So I quietly filed it under things that arent for me any more and got on with life.The things that bring you joy and light you up are worth finding your way back to.Now my health and my bank balance have finally caught up with my heart, and the timing couldnt be better. Riding turns out to be one of the best tools Ive found for regulating my nervous system and I love learning and being a beginner at something again. When Im riding, my head goes blissfully quiet, my shoulders drop, and for an hour or two Im absolutely present. My granny may have called me fickle, but it turns out some loves just wait patiently for you to come back to them.Is there something you loved but decided wasnt for you any more because of your age, your body, your bank balance or simply because life got in the way? Very little is as fixed as it feels. Life is short and life is tough, and the things that bring you joy and light you up are worth finding your way back to.In the meantime, if anyone has tips for improving my trot-to-canter transition, Im all ears!The post Back in The Saddle Rediscovering My Love for Horse Riding at 51 appeared first on Camping Blog Camping with Style | Travel, Outdoors & Glamping Blog.